Marriage is so beautiful. If you can build and have a relationship like this, you have succeeded in the most important thing – that of finding the purpose of life! Read this highly emotional letter which was sent to Meet2Marry by a 39 year old husband.
She lay next to me, like any other day. But this time there was a difference. She seemed to be in deep sleep because when I held her hand tightly she did not squeeze it in turn, unlike in the past. Poor girl, she must be so tired. Day in and day out, she does all the chores which are impossible to even list down here but which are frustrating to do and which bring no gratification other than that her house is in top operating condition.I feel guilty here. Why do I not help her more often. Why is it ‘understood’ that all housework is her responsibility when in fact she also has a regular job just like me? Henceforth I must assist her in helping my son with the homework & helping her with the housework. As I grappled with the idea of whether I should wake up now or sleep for another 15 minutes, I made a mental note of telling her that from now on I will assist her actively. I will fold my own undergarments after drying, put my clothes in the washing machine, hang them to dry and take care of my room, no wait, two rooms of the house as my responsibility. And for the kitchen, I decided that dinner must be outside every Saturday while for Sunday I’ll cook the dinner so she has some time for herself over the weekend. For breakfast, we must have more of fruit and cornflakes. It’s a shame that so much time is spent by her in making breakfast every morning. Poor girl. I squeezed her hand again. Then I began drifting into my ‘second’ sleep.Beautiful moments came to me in this short but powerful ‘second sleep’ (30 minutes of which are more refreshing than the entire night’s sleep). I remembered the day I had gone to her house to meet her for the first time. She was wearing a white suit. She looked so pure and simple. I had seen another girl before I met her and that other girl seemed more glamorous. I wanted to marry the other one, but after I met my wife and saw her simplicity and heard her sweet voice, I knew that she was something to die for. I began falling for her and imagined her as my wife. After a couple of days, we went back to her house and fixed my marriage with her. It was a beautiful time. I was never happier. She used to send me loving letters. It was not difficult for both of us to fall in love. After 1 year of engagement, which was kind of getting everybody anxious, we got married on 29th Aug, 1999. We went to UK for our honeymoon and also to do some courses for a year. That was a happy period in our lives when we were alone and did what we pleased. [Meet2Marry Author's note: I think that every matrimonial couple must have at least a year of bonding and attachment to have a successful marriage. This is one of the cornerstone principles which we teach here in Meet2Marry's match making cosmopolitan matrimonial events. The person who sent this letter also enjoyed a year or more together and see how their bonding became the prime moving force in their marriage]Suddenly my mind flitted to 2004. We had just bought a new car, and it was giving us a lot of happiness. But something overshadowed that happiness, something even bigger, something much bigger which was happening right then. A baby was coming home!Back to Oct, 2003. After two months of trying, she gave me that look and told me that she was pregnant. A hurricane of emotions passed thru my mind. Everyday, as we struggled financially since the last few years, my life was getting more and more meaning due to my marriage with her. But having a baby was simply amazing. I was always clear of one thing, which I always said to her ‘we won’t let the small problems of everyday life come between you and me’. Problems came by the dozen, but we managed to keep our bond strong. And now the baby was coming. As we stood there that Oct evening, I realised that there are three of us now in that room, the third one being that gentle, innocent life which is seeding in her stomach. We hugged when she broke the news to me. Millions of emotions got conveyed with a single hug, and without uttering a single word. Such is the power of hugs. My mind flits back to the best moment I can recall. July,2004. There is buzz all around. People have forgotten the new car which is standing outside. The buzz is about the delivery date. When should the baby be delivered? Over the last few weeks, I was talking to my child and it used to respond by kicking inside the stomach. And that's all the communication I had with it - me talking for hours and the kid sometimes listening to me in its sleep, and sometimes playfully kicking from inside.The day came. On 21st July, while I was too scared to talk to anyone, for I was so worried about my wife’s delivery and her safety, the brave girl went inside the OT for a Caesarean. The baby was born. Soon there was the loudest baby's cry ever to rent the hospital air. My baby was born and this was its first cry which signifies that 'all is well' with the baby. The doctor came out and congratulated me. My blood circulation began to improve and the fears vanished,replaced by astonishment and a sense of disbelief. My wife was unconscious and wheeled to her room. There was another cute little trolley with a small cot in it and my little lad was sleeping fitfully inside after that initial firstcry. I was so relieved and so awestruck at seeing that little bundle of life. And I was so much in love with that woman, my soulmate, who made it possible.For no reason my thoughts flitted across time to the bad things. To the times when we had fought. To the times when I had hit her. Even in my sleep I turned away, as if to avoid a blow, when I thought of the terrible thing I had said to her in my fits of rage. And of the times when I had hit that innocent little doll who has given me everything which makes me complete – a baby, a home, a life worth living, and the stability which would not have come in my life without her. Being of a volatile nature, I had a history of fights and threatening others, leading to trouble with my employers and everyone else. I turned, in my sleep, to face God and promise him that I will amend my ways. I will not let the power of genes take over my power of reason. I forced my mind to think of the pleasant things we had done together. The unpleasant stuff was simply unbearable. My mind flitted back to the time when we went to see different movies. Each movie was carved and etched differently, and attached to the coffee we had at Costa’s and the conversations before and after the movie. Then I though of all the times when we traveled together and had fun. I squeezed her hand and turned to hug her. She did not respond. I woke up with a jerk. Something was not right. In my confused state after waking up suddenly, I looked at her face. She seemed to be sleeping peacefully. But something was not right. Then I suddenly got it, she was colder than usual. With horror etched on my face, I realised that she was .... OMG......she was dead. How did this happen. I wailed loudly. Then I stopped to check her vital signs. No, she had gone; she had left me in this cruel world. My companion for life, and for every janam henceforth, and who knows, from the previous many janams, was gone. I was shattered. So much was left unsaid. So much left to do to prove myself to be worthy of her selfless love. OMG, why did you do this God? How can I live without her. I shouted at God, promised him that I would take revenge from him for separating my wife from me. And then my mind turned in horror at the prospect of living without her and I began crying in rage and in grief. The very notion that she will never be again talking to me, moving around the house or laughing with us turned me into stone. The burden to live alone without her was too much. And then after a few agonising moments, my sleep broke and I was finally awake. I turned to her. I hugged her and started crying actually. She woke up to the sound of me sobbing, and then asked me with concern ‘what happened, why are you crying’? Oh God, thank you, she was alive and well. I was so sure that the nightmare was real. But it was just a nightmare, even though it was 7 am already. I grit my face with determination and decided that from that moment I will do all that was left to be done, all that was left to be proved and say all that remained unsaid. God had given me a second chance. I am so sure of it. Never again will I lose her, even if in a nightmare.(This letter was sent to Meet2Marry's marriage counsellors by a man who was changed completely after this experience and wanted to share it with us. Meet2Marry is publishing this letter with the consent of the said person)
Pre-marriage counselling saves many a marriages. It helps you to pre-empt trouble and to make the right choices. Yet very few people, though the numbers are increasing month by month, think of investing into the skills that are required for marriage.
‘I don’t need Pre-marriage counselling’. This is what most of us think!! And yet we need nothing more than pre marriage counselling, even though we may not think so. Read on to see why!In our experience with singles in our Cosmopolitan Matrimonial across Delhi, Bangalore, Chandigarh and Pune, over the last year or so, we feel that nothing could be further from the truth. Most people who became our members, firstly, did not know what their 'matrimonial plan' was, and what they were looking for, and secondly, they had only the foggiest idea of the path required for achieving their goals, be it for marriage or even for their careers. In fact, they had more clarity for their ‘employment’, or how to get a job, than for their ‘career’ (i.e. how to progress quickly) or about their matrimony. Why do our singles care so little about their matrimonial lives? Why is everything taken for granted? Is it only ignorance or is it a case of 'resistance' to learn anything new due to our attitudes of 'we know best'?The worst argument I have heard is 'There was no marriage counselling 50 years ago, still people married'. My answer to that is in many sentences. 1. There was no electricity 100 years ago, still people lived. So why do we all use it now?2. Look at the marriages which took place 50 years ago, and look at what is happening now. The present divorce rate in metro cities is around 60% for the cosmopolitan workers. Surely, these people required counselling prior to their marriages. 3. Marriage without counselling only teaches people to co-exist somehow. Marriage WITH COUNSELLING teaches the young singles to co-exist happily and to multiply the benefits which they can derive from marriage.4. Why should pre-marriage counselling not be used? Name one reason why it is harmful?We browse through the net, do lots of window shopping, buy all the latest bridal magazines for the latest in clothes and fashion. To look our best on our wedding day we go through extensive beauty treatments and some of us even join the gym prior to that. On all this we spend a lot of money and time because we think it is required. Then why don’t we give importance to pre-marital counselling, which is required a thousand times more?May be because we are not aware of the benefits, or we don’t ask the right question to ourselves and our family.What are the questions? And why do we need the answers? How is that important for our marriage?To make sure that we have a long lasting happy marriage we need to get some things clear. Hence it is important to look for the answers of the following questions.1) What exactly are my partner’s needs and desires? Can they be co-related to my own desires and wants?2) What spiritual or cultural beliefs does my partner have? How do they relate to my own? Precisely what variance in opinion will we face because of those beliefs?3) What is my future partners qualification (should be verified)? Does he have any criminal record? Or what is his credit rating? (In today’s world these things are very important). There are some problems where it's only a 'numbers' game, and not a 'words' game. So do not let good, nice sounding words fool you in place of hard, cold numbers.4) Does my future partner or anybody in his immediate family have any special medical needs? And just how could that impact our lives together?5) What kind of career objectives does my partner have and how we both will be able to work out attaining our individual goals?6) How will we manage our expenses? Who will be the provider and what will be our saving plans?7) How will we deal with the difference of opinion of our families? Most of the questions above may sound embarrassing and like doubting the partners love and trust. May be the elders might feel that this is not the right time to ask these question. Or typically, "we will see when the problem comes".Before the engagement is done, and certainly before the wedding, these questions become very important. When these questions are discussed the right way, they will surely lead to better understanding of each other and to a better dealing of the problem. Nobody will feel cheated and the 'big fights' will be avoided. Everybody will be aware of the goals to be achieved as a family. This will help, as all the big decisions taken will be keeping these goals in mind.Knowing your partner's opinion is one thing and the right way of balancing and looking for a middle path is another; You need to know when to give in to your partner’s demands and when to hold your ground. How do you find a goal which suits both partners and does not curb the growth of either of them.This is all achieved with the help of a pre-marriage counsellor. They tell you not only what to anticipate and to guard against, but also how to tackle each problem or potential problem. Moreover, they teach you the best ways to tackle the points 1 to 7 above using diplomacy and grace.A lot of marital fights, unpleasant moments & other chaos in marriage can be avoided if we are prepared to deal with them.In Meet2Marry's matrimonial events for cosmopolitan singles, we give counselling to all our members, we let them find the answers as we help them ask the difficult questions. They are able to start a new life which will surely be 'happy ever after'. It is very important to start your new life with a lot of understanding and being mentally prepared to handle all that. All this is done at the pre marriage counselling. Although there is a waiting period of about two months to join the MEETrimonials (as we lovingly call our matrimonial events), but it is certainly worth it. Not only do these events help the singles to find the best matches, they also arm them with the skills necessary to have a wonderful married life which is built on a solid platform.
Marriage is like any other venture. It needs attention. It needs skills. It needs knowledge. It needs team effort. It needs analytical and problem solving skills. It needs risk assessment and control. It needs frequent reviews and course correction!
It’s quite funny that as Indians we keep finding faults with our society but we never go beyond criticism. In today’s Times of India, the President has also exhorted the citizens to do more than just cry foul. While businesses and other organisations carry out frequent reviews of their projects, products and every other damn thing they do, when it comes to their own marriages, the people, even from within these organisations, seldom think about carrying out frequent reviews of their marriages. It is time that we stop complaining and start adopting ways to implement real time solutions rather than real time whining and abusing of everyone around us. Stop complaining and start doing.Imagine if a marriage could be reviewed periodically, just like in an audit, and non personal decisions could be taken by both the partners to steer it after the review, or to adjust its course, how much benefit can be accrued emotionally, matrimonially, as well as free up time and energy for other things than the negativity which would otherwise creep into every marriage.We learn so much at work. We learn to analyse risk, manage it, to be internally resourceful, to lead teams, to synergise, to focus, to analyse problems and solve them, to remain motivated and to continue self-development in our work. Then why do we not treat our marriage like a corporate affair and guide it such instead of leaving it to the mercy of our moods and putting it on the last priority after work, homework, telephone, TV, Facebook, commuting, promotions, and even watching porn. Why is marriage not tackled like a project where there is a race against time. Where efficient utilisation of resources is to be of the utmost priority.Sports coaches watch game films and rewind them a 100 times to analyse them. Businesses review sales charts. Even fast food restaurants ask us to fill out “How Did We Do” surveys so that they can evaluate how well their plans matched up with our experience. Maybe it would be worth our time to look back on our day, week, or month to figure out what went wrong and what went right and how we can adjust our course for tomorrow. Albert Einstein famously said, “Insanity is doing the same thing in the same way and expecting a different outcome.”Keep some time with yourself each week and review how your ‘plans’of the previous 7 days lined up versus the reality. If something went wrong, where did it go wrong? How can you try again and not repeat the same this week? Learning from history doesn’t need to end when we close a textbook or graduate from school. It can happen every day as we forge a new path in our personal growth.Most people think this is to be done only for work, but it is equally important in marriage. When we sit together and discuss, we realize how with time our goals have changed. Therefore, since the reality changes frequently, thus affecting our goals, the plan to reach there too needs to be modified from time to time. We see the mistakes we have made, and that makes us change our approach. As both the partners are involved, all doubts and why’s are cleared. This way couples can plan their finances better, keep their relationship strong and avoid a lot of misunderstandings.Married couples MUST sit on weekends, or may be once a month and review their life together. And since this is a business proposition, the solution must be real, practical, achievable and unemotional. That approach will completely cut off negativity from our matrimonial life.At Meet2Marry, in our matrimonial events, our marriage counsellors feel that this is one of the most important things in a healthy and long marriage. It brings accountability and helps the couple to plan the future better together. It improves communication in a couple. Singles who are attending our matrimonial events (MEETrimonials) also get to learn ‘how´ to carry out the review process. It is not rocket science, but it does help to follow one of the standard procedures and stay bound by its rules. Do attend our events and learn this important skillset for a happy matrimonial life. Marriages are made in Heaven, but happiness is decided here on Earth.
All Singles must read this amazing and unique collection from our observation in our own Matrimonial Events. Meet2Marry feels that if you can comply with the following 20 points, or most of them, nobody can stop you from getting an amazing Match. Read on!
1. Look irresistible, but not like ‘new money’. Dressing up is an art and you must know which colours suit you, which colours are day-wear, and which night wear. Also, awareness about ‘what to wear and when’ is a sign of good education and upbringing. For example, on a sports occasion, you may wear a blue blazer and jeans, but not a suit. Black suits are night wear. Greys are day wear. Get an image consultant to train you. This is a matter of your first impression where people will decide how far to go with you or how much to avoid you.2. Talk irresistibly. The perfect blend of intellect, charm and knowledge, as also an occasional display of your sophisticated (not cheap) sense of humour. You definitely need an image consultant for this. However, if you are sufficiently well-read over the past few years, you would have, no doubt, picked up a great conversation style by now.3. Sound credible. Practice your sounds. Nobody wants to have anything to do with a screechy, shrilly person. Develop or train your voice. See a voice therapist if you feel your voice is not up to the mark. To determine that, simply record your voice regularly and play it back. The results may shock you. You may think you sound like Amitabh Bacchan, but you may well be sounding like a screechy, noisy utensil.4. Display incredible empathy, kindness and large heartedness.5. Indulge in meaningful, or even intellectual conversations. Bollywood is not the flavor for most occasions.6. Don’t give fundas to others. Nobody likes unsolicited advice. Well meaning though it may be, it will, however, not endear you to people. 7. Don’t make negative declarations like ‘If someone wants to marry me, he has to be really smart’. Equally, stop talking about yourself so often. 8. Re-balance your expectations. You can’t get anything if you don’t have something to give back of equal value. For example, if you want someone with good looks, a great job, nice sense of humour, a pleasing personality and lots of wealth, ask yourself ‘why do I deserve this’? And if you can’t find the answers then ask yourself 'what can I do to better myself so I can get all this'?9. Don’t be a loud mouth, bitch or a cheap gossip monger. If you can mention someone else in poor light to me, then you may do the same about me to someone else.10. Display exquisite etiquette. Etiquette or manners are not something to laugh at, as you may have seen people do in school or college, it is a quality which is absolutely essential for success in every field in life. Remember, even today, only the most presentable and pleasing people get promotions and plum jobs.11. The first impression is everything. This is the most valuable point yet. You definitely need an Image consultant, and not a dime-a-dozen type who are roaming around on the streets either; but a real professional one. This point is too big to be written about here.12. Body language speaks 70%, you speak 30%. Ensure that your body language is that of a prince or princess and not that of a school pass-out bum.13. Nobody really likes someone who’s not rooted in values or value systems.14. Nobody likes anyone who is always ridiculing their country, parents, family or other people and things around them.15. Be well-read. Reading the ‘classics’ such as Thomas Hardy or Charles Dickens and a few others provides power and control over the best use of the English language. Besides, the best people out there already know all this. Also read current affairs and try to appear to be an 'informed' person. No one will allow you in any elite group unless you do the two above. Reading crappy fiction, or Chetan Bhagat or Mills and Boon does not constitute being 'well-read'. Read lot's of History too.16. Have opinions; state them too. But know that your view-point is not always the best or the only right one. In fact, you must learn to synergise your conversations, i.e. instead of contradicting others or getting into arguments, you should rather say ‘.....and maybe that too, but I still hold firm onto my belief that......’. That way, all the conversations are pleasant and all participants are the better off with them since everyone emerges with new knowledge. Most importantly, it endears you to others.17. Using abusive language is uncool; or coming to the point of using it, but not actually using it, like saying ‘what the.....’ without mentioning the f-word is actually very uncool. It is a sign of very low EQ. It is not a part of corporate life, and there is a reason why not. Using that language requires very little effort and immediately portrays the person as someone who would rather use cheap tricks to entertain people for the moment, rather than use power-speaking or ‘something of value’ to leave a lasting impression on them. It also shows your lack of respect towards others. People may even laugh at your funny style of speaking and your clever use of bad words, but (and this is big BUT), it does not endear you to them. After all, people may not say anything out of their own politeness, or they may just laugh along at you just as they would at any ordinary comedian.18. Respect women. In all spheres and all situations.19. Say what you mean and then DO WHAT YOU SAID YOU WILL. People in India are sick and tired of monkeys who keep promising or over committing, but then just forget about it or don’t follow up on it.20. Last but not the least. People seldom make up their minds in the first encounter. Even though you may have managed to get the ‘door open’ with your charming personality and all the rest of it above, ONLY CHARACTER CAN GET YOU, AND KEEP YOU, INSIDE THE ROOM. Develop character & integrity (integrity means that it is not ok to display character sometimes or 99% of the time; you have to display it every time and in every situation) and you shall have everything.(*Meet2Marry works towards not just finding matches for its members (singles) but also works hard in the MEETrimonial (matrimonial) events so that the singles who attend work hard on self improvement, image management and thus get the best match for themselves. We go beyond our call of duty to find you a match).